I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
