Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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