That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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