Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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