I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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