I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
