my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
