There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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