my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
