I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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