sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
