I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
