am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
