Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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