If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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