omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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