I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
