I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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