Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
