Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
