I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
