I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
