Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
