To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
