I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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