Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
