carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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