Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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