Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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