fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
