I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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