I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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