If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
