Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
