I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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