Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
