there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
