dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
