I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
