I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
