I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
