Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
