areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't deserve a penis
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
