1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Randomize
