I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
