I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She bit a glass in half.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
