After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know her cup size but not her name....
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