ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
