i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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