is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
