I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
